Pragmatism

Often in life, you have the opportunity to determine how you define yourself. 

For myself, if I had to select a single word, it would be "Pragmatic."  For me, the first awareness of this is from the mid 1980's.  I was living in San Francisco, and it had become an annual affair for my Dad to put his Colorado timeshare in the bank, and book something for me in Lake Tahoe.  I would go up and ski during the day, and gamble at night.  Normally, it would just be me, as I was kind of a loner at the time.  However, this particular year, I invited a very good friend and his girlfriend up for one of the weekends.  I sat in Friday night, waiting for them, and they never showed.  Needless to say, I was hurt, angry, and disappointed.  So how did I deal with it?

Well, this was not the first time my friend had been late, or that plans had changed.  So, on the drive back to the City By The Bay, I determined that I would say something to my friend, but I also came to realize that this is his nature.  He is a type of free spirit that goes where he is moved to go, and he did not mean to intentionally hurt me.  I could choose to recognize and accept this in him, or I could end our friendship.  I chose to accept.  So, in the future, I always took our plans with a grain of salt, and we have been great friends ever since.

That has become part of my nature.  I truly believe in the innate goodness of people, but also really believe the axiom:  "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."  So for me, when I first meet and become acquainted with someone, you get the full benefit of the doubt. I trust you and believe what you say.  Usually, it is not too long before actions speak louder than words, and a person's true nature is revealed.  Most of the time, this is more positive than not and just requires some minor adjustments, and a relationship is formed.  But sometimes, this is negative, and that is where my expectations for dealing with that person are lowered to the point that there are no expectations. 

You see, I find that if you have no expectations, then you cannot hurt yourself (because, emotionally, only you can hurt yourself if you have the right attitude).  You can be disappointed, but not hurt. So over the years, I have become very pragmatic. 

Sometimes, people or situations will change, and you can start to raise expectations based on a track record of behavior, and that is priceless.  That has happened for me once, when a person that had hurt someone close to me changed their behavior and attitude, and is now a wonderful part of my life.  I expect that this one instance will not be the last, because you see, I am a hobo at heart, maybe down on my luck with some relationships, but eternally optimistic :o)

Tags: Pragmatic, Relationships, Expectations, blogplugs