The Toweler VP Selection, It is up to YOU :o)

As you may know, on Thursday, August 21, I declared my candidacy.  As my bride and best friend Beth so eloquently stated: "He's had it with the sniping and grousing, the negativity, the lies, and the idiocy.  He can no longer stomach the constant arguments, the endless debates about finances, and the never-ending discussion of who is smarter than who (although it's quite obvious).   He has chosen to take matters into his own hands and has made a decision that I am proud to support. I give him 100% of my backing, and I have committed to working tirelessly on behalf of the endeavor he has chosen. "

 

Here is my predicament J-Land.  In order to have a chance against the Obama and the McCain, I need to pick my running mate carefully.  I thought seriously about Extra Arm, but felt that her checkered past could cause me problems.  The Kitty clan (Sheeba and Briege) presented interesting options, but in the end, their lifestyles would be a hindrance (mices executions, extreme nippiness, and a tendency to do what ever the F*#@ they want :o).  My top five selections for a Vice Presidential running mate are presented below, as well as my own credentials.  Please vote in the poll, or present your own choices with an explanation as a comment.  Your support and thoughts for this important decision are greatly appreciated.   

 

Tony Soprano:  The head of the family, and a tough food critic, he has to be part of any short list.  To NOT consider him could be a career ending decision.

 

Jack Sparrow's Father:  Keith Richards played this part wickedly, and with his pirate connections, he could bring some foreign policy credentials.

 

Simon Cowell: A man not afraid to speak his mind, and a terrific judge of vocals and potential, his feedback is rarely ignored.

 

Jack Nicholson: While potentially beyond his prime, his past experience cannot be questioned, and he also has an unquestioned golf swing and wit about him.

 

The Donald: A man of money, but unprecedented success and connections, not to mention an awesome helicopter and multiple golf courses, he would be a worthy "Apprentice".

 

 

Ken "The Toweler" R.

 

Born in 1962, blond hair, blue eyes.

 

Known to tease others into laughter. Powerful golf swing considered by all to be intimidating. Some have called him a tyrant with a nine-iron.  

 

Powerful organizational and financial skills have resulted in a position of leadership within the Family; his advice is considered to be sound, but he values excellence in return. Often distracts victims by juggling objects at hand; as they follow the objects intently, he will launch the objects (apples, tennis balls, etc.) at a high rate of speed towards their upper body. Depending on the object, serious injury can result. (It has been documented that a member of a rival organization was hospitalized after receiving three golf balls to the head.)

 

Signature move: tortures victims with repeated towel-snaps to the torso and buttocks. While not confirmed, it is believed that he induced a coma in a man by using a heavy-duty cotton beach towel. The circumstances are not completely known, but most seem to believe that the man had seriously violated safety standards at what the Family calls "The Plant."

 

The Toweler is considered seriously outspoken. If you encounter him, do not attempt to approach him, unless you wish simply to chat. Caution is advised due to extreme sarcasm, teasing comments, and a variety of voices. All newcomers are advised to maintain a minimum of a 3-foot distance, which is considered toweling range.

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